Grief shows up in weird ways, even years later..
- Jun 28
- 3 min read
Sometimes people think that we should be further along in grief, and honestly It couldn't be from the further. 2 years and 3 months in to losing my spouse and there are still days that I'm fatigued, emotional, sad, and angry. Grief doesn’t end. Yes, Grief isnt as engulfing as it was the first year, but has its own challenges each season and each year.
Here are just a few ways grief has shown up for me the past few months…
I saw where Josh’s favorite breakfast place closed down. One Way cafe. Have I eaten there since he passed? No. But knowing I can never get the French toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, and eggs at a place we got breakfast every other Saturday when he was alive, made me really sad.
We had days of heavy rain, and and the trench neeeded to be redug to redirect the water from it getting in the carport. It was still pouring down rain when I went out to the shed and got his shovel out and dug it out. While digging it out, I noticed mud all over my hands, which was coming from dried mud that covered the shovel from when Josh used it to dig out a leak next door. He was covered in mud from head to toe, and that poor shovel was too. Most of it was off but the handle still had a thin layer of dirt on it and once the rain reactivated it, it made me sad.
Our daughter has started to become more affectionate, loving neck hugs and face kisses. She hugged me multiple times in a row, looked me eye to eye, kissed me, and then sat down beside me. She looked up at me with this little mean mug that we do, and started laughing. It was the laughter that is contagious. The more we laughed, the more we laughed if that makes sense. Any movement i made, she shadowed. Laughter erupted for minutes and without warning I burst into tears because as I was soaking in her laughter, love, and sweet face, I immediately wished her dad could see this moment.
Josh loved the Avatar: The last Air bender. When they came out with the first season, i made slight fun of him, mainly because I had never watched it. I ended up watching season 1 with him and loved it. Before he passed it said Season 2 was on the way. He died, and a lot of time has passed and then it happened…. June 25th of 2026 Season 2 aired! WOW, bittersweet moment. I was sad, thinking he should be here to watch this with me. I cooked a hamburger, made a few chicken nuggets and sat down to watch the 1st episode. If he were here, I know we would have ordered McD’s and binged the whole season. This season isnt as appealing to me, and that is okay.
I’m remind every day that my husband died. I live it. I dont drown in it like I use to & yes I pick myself up and carry myself well. But there are moments that knock the breath out of me still—- Because he was my partner in life. He was the best bonus dad and dad. He was an amazing husband and best friend. And then he died…. So…. If you are in someone’s life that is grieving just be kind! Give lots and lots of grace. And if you cant do that, and if they havent already excused you from their life, just excuse yourself… Because at the end of the day this isnt about you! You dont have to understand to be kind. Grief doesnt end. And if you dont understand that, be glad! Because that means you’ve never lost someone extremely imortant to you—-for it to change who you are, change what you accept as normal, or rewire your brain.
Comments