Dating ick….

When I lost my late husband, whom was seemingly perfect for me, I truly thought my best days were behind me. Widowed at the age of 32, 2 small kiddos… in my prime, truly! Thoughts flooded my brain that I’d be alone forever, that I could never move forward, that since I had lost my spouse that that was it for me. Fast forward to today; 1 year 3 months into losing my sweet & amazing husband, and also reflecting on all that I have poured in to feeling my feelings and post traumatic growth in spite of my circumstance.

I realized about 6 months into losing Josh that I didn’t want to walk this walk alone Forever. That I eventually want to be partnered back up with someone just as amazing as him. Once you’ve had a wonderful life partner, and felt their unwavering support, unconditional love, and trust, It is so natural to want that again. Reality was/is that Josh is gone, and can never return back. I can choose to be alone if I want, and there is nothing wrong with that. Or I could choose to date when I’m “ready” and there is nothing wrong with that either. Either way, Widows are judged when they start dating. Some will be shocked you are putting yourself back out there when you do and others will be shocked you havent done that yet. That is one reason it is important to make sure that it’s on YOUR TERMS when you do put yourself back out there, because that helps silence the opinions.

Let’s talk dating…. ICKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! I never thought I would be here again. I had the one person I wanted in my space, and im not sure I want to let anyone else in. It’s a teatertot of emotion. Josh and I would joke about how nice it was to have found our person and no longer have to go on dreadful first dates with small talk. We were so comfortable with each other. I thought I had my life partner; that floating in the dating pool was over for me. Dating as a widow can be difficult. Seeing what is out there can make you miss your spouse even more. Being a widow can actually make you a target for someone to try and take advantage of you. On dating websites, there are a lot of divorced people. People that are angry and sometimes even hate their Ex. Where as for me, I didn’t choose to step away from my spouse. I still love him dearly and always will. I know in time I will find someone that can hold space for my grief and love my children. So where does that leave me? Extra guarded.. That is for sure! I havent went on any dates yet, but I have had to remind myself that when I do, I am in control. I am not a burden nor are my kids. Everyone has baggage. I dont have to settle for what is in front of me if its not everything I want. Thinking of dating is scary.

I was listening to The Widow podcast, and she was doing an interview with another widow & writer, Debbie Weiss. She actually wrote a book on her dating adventure and I cant wait to read it! On the podcast, it was mentioned to start with coffee. Don’t commit to a whole dinner until you’ve met for coffee to see how you like them in a less formal setting. She talks about how dating again is atrocious. She went on so many dates that were dead ends, that she had to think is this what I really want to be doing or would I rather be home.

If you know a widow/widower, the best thing you can ever do for them is offer support, even if you dont understand their journey with grief. Support goes a long ways. Trust me, their life is hard enough without all the judgements.