He will always be everywhere with me 🤍

Wed, March 27, 2024 - the day my life changed

Everyone experiences grief differently, none of us grieve the same. This is an anniversary I’ll never care to celebrate, for it isn’t a happy day. This date is a reminder that I lost the man I love, and it reminds me that I’ll never have him physically back.

There hasn’t been a single day that’s passed that I’ve not thought of him. I hear him in each song that plays that has an acoustic guitar in it. I see him when I make coffee every morning and still laugh about how I always swept up his sugar spill without complaint. I see him every time I look at the shed or get a whiff of how his clothes use to smell after working outside all day for they wreaked of oil and gas. I can hear him cheering me on when I cook a tasty meal, because he was my biggest fan & loved my cooking. I feel him close when I sit alone on the couch, pondering what to watch after the girls are asleep in bed. I hear him when the oldest says “urnions” or “tomartos”. I see him every time I come across a show or movie we watched together. I hear his voice in every funky tree that I pass, that “needs to be cut down” as I heard him say 10000 times. I see him when I sit on the deck, sip my coffee, and watch the flag fly. I replay memories of all the moments we shared every day, most of the time it is unintentional. Sometimes these memories and reminders make me smile and other times they make me cry. That is grief.

Some days it’s unbearable, and most days I’m “okay”. Some Days I carry it really REALLY well, and other days I don’t. One year without him has been a lot. And I still take it day by day. I’m amazed the girls and I have made it this far. This is what it looks like when God is in control, bc I could have never made it this far on my own.

One whole year of holding on to our memories with our  “Babe”. One whole year of holding it together, sometimes only by a thread. One whole year of tears, that could likely fill an ocean. One whole year of new memories, and watching the girls grow. One whole year of trying to slow the time down because grief definitely speeds it up.

One year🤍 Here is to many more.