His soap..

Yep…. He passed in March of 2024 and I still have his current shampoo bar in the shower.. He loved a certain one from The Soap Factory. I had just bought him a new one days prior to the accident. Occasionally, I scoop it up in my hand, and let it sud up, and take a deep breath in of that smell. And Every single time that I do that, it triggers the day he died. It doesnt trigger the entire day, but the exact moment that I went into the hospital room to see his body. It was cold in the room, and as I stood there looking at his body, it was very lifeless and surreal that he was gone. I touched his cold hand and then I leaned down and smelled his hair. That was the last time I got to smell that scent on him. The accident happened mid morning and it was also still cool outside, so he wasnt super sweaty smelling like normal. His hair still smelled like his shampoo bar. Sigh. Smelling has always been my thing. He would always laugh and say “Babe, are you smelling me??” When I would hug him, or lean over and lay my head on his shoulder, ect.

I’ve written in the past about how in grief, you just know when it is time to shift or let go of certain things. No one can make you rush that. For now, I’m still holding on to this shampoo bar. I mean, I know he isn’t in the physical soap, but I’m not ready to let that shampoo bar go just yet. That shampoo bar still signifies a small connection for me.