Hitting pause on being a foodie…

Anyone that knew Josh and I, knew we were “foodie’s”… I can’t even begin to tell you how many people said they lived vicariously through our food post. We couldn’t wait to try new places, or revisit ones we loved. Every baby dr appointment turned into us trying a new breakfast spot every time. Being on maternity leave together, allowed us the chance the cook together every day. This turned in to me learning that he could make amazing French toast or us slaying in the kitchen together and then eating a feast. Honestly, hitting pause on being a foodie has been hard. I lost 25 pounds after he died. Yes, some of that was being devastated that he died but I lost the desire to enjoy food like I did with my husband. Everyone has a thing, and that was ours. We use to live to eat. I eat to live now.

Hardly anything we enjoyed food wise sounds good or taste the same. The joy I once had in those things are gone for now, and that’s okay. He died in March and I still can’t bring myself to eat out much. (I think i have sat down in a restaurant less than a handful of times, aside from traveling.) It’s funny how grief can be, because though the desire to go and eat in a restaurant like we use to vanished when he died, I clung to our loaded teas, quarter pounder, & fries for months after because it brought comfort. Grief is weird. It was my “diet” for the first 4-5 months. I drank a lot of Cookie dough premier protein and Peach Alani energy drinks in the thick of grief too. Now, I can barely drink any of those. And I’m starting to not be able to stomach McDonald’s. (Never thought I would see the day) I made French toast for the first time since he passed the other day, and it tasted fine, but didn’t taste good, if that makes any sense… I miss the love for food that he had, and the joy we shared over it. Grief really does shift things you couldn’t ever imagine. One day, i may find a love for food again. Either way, Im taking it one day at a time.