Rain came, Wind blew…

https://youtu.be/uOP4s8fOEm0?si=ED6LZKASWiu-xBbI

I always loved this worship song, but after my husband died I kind of clung to it. In early grief, the lyrics “Rain came, wind blew but my house was built on you. I’m safe with you, I’m gonna make it through.”ran through my mind non stop. And here I am, 11 months in, and I’m making it.

Let’s talk physical storms…. Josh was always freaky calm when it came to any storm. I was always the more nervous one. 3 weeks before Josh and I got married, a terrible storm blew up and a tornado was coming straight for us. It ripped through our town. I remember us eating dinner at the table not really thinking the tornado was coming…. Until it was! The moment we heard “It’s coming down 51 hwy and straight for Covington HS” we gave each other a look and ran to the bathroom, with a mattress over our head. You could hear the wind and rain beating the windows. I began to pray, and pray loudly. We were spared. Others were not as lucky. From that moment, I had TERRIBLE storm anxiety. Any storm we had that set off the tornado alarms caused PTSD. I remember the first time i drove through our town, to get to church, and had a full blown anxiety attack. I had to pull over and josh had to walk me through to breathe.

Josh died a year later. Naturally, panic and anxiety set in. I just lost my best friend and partner in life. I remember the first big storm that blew in. I loaded the car with formula, diapers, clothes, and personal belongings really to flee if a tornado was coming. I remember the deep chilling anxious feeling I had until it passed over us. I anointed the house with oil and prayed over it & us. 10 out of 10 don’t recommend that feeling.

Somewhere along the way, I apparently stopped caring about it. The sirens started going off last night and I was like “Oh, what is this???” I was so unbothered, it kinda scared me 😂 Like is this how Josh always felt during storms? Because if so, 10 out of 10 def recommend! I gave the baby a bath, got her ready for bed, and turned on “Ryan Hall” on YouTube. He is the best storm watcher LOL I tucked her in at her normal bedtime. I quickly realized it was going a different direction, so i turned it off & enjoyed a movie with my oldest. We conked out and never checked up. Somewhere along the way I realized I wasnt stressed and that stressing wouldn’t change anything. (Now if i can adapt that for everything else, that would be great.) If a tornado ripped through, you aren’t really safe anywhere unless in a man made tornado shelter. My prayer was that we were safe and I left it at that.

I hope that growth continues. It felt so good to “not care” about it. I was so unbothered I started thinking “Wait, should i be bothered” 😂 I loved realizing I was handling the situation better than i use to.

Physical or spiritual, Rain will come… Wind will blow…. Who is your house built on??