The crisp morning with my coffee and Jesus

I have been making a point to sit outside every morning when it is quite cold. Breathing in the cold air, listening to the birds and squirrels. I have my coffee in hand and my bible on the stand beside my chair. During heavy grief, I found sitting outside and listening to nature very grounding. There is actually a technique I learned in therapy many years ago that is the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique. (Pictured below) And it was quite helpful. It reminds us that when our mind is spinning, that it isnt always reality.

Sometimes life gets extremely busy. The kids are out for school break, there are 10000 holiday things and task that need to get done, Church events, friend events, ect that we forget to sit in the chaos. Sit and be still. Even with all the growth I’ve made in my grief walk, I'm still very susceptible to suppression. And I apparently did that this holiday season without even realizing it. I felt a lot of feelings this holiday season but with some I just pushed it down, and when more feelings came, I pushed them aside… Until I couldn’t any longer! I was reminded by something my grief coach said, and it was that it takes more energy to suppress and then deal with the damage it caused than feeling the feelings as they come. I didnt feel good when they came up. AT ALL. She always referred to it as it being like a beach ball that is pushed under water…Eventually you wont be able to hold it there and it will charge up! Feelings are the same way.

So for me, cold crisp mornings on my back deck are part of what I need. To sit in the Earths silence, with the occasional train going by because i live in the city. To drink my coffee and pay attention to what is around me. Praying and talking to the Lord. And then getting into the word and reading (if my fingers arent too cold LOL) This morning, As I sat in the chair that would have been Josh’s, I thanked the lord for life. Being able to stay here and care for my children. As much as I miss Josh, I'm thankful I get to stay. I’m really thankful that I’m seeing the beauty in the ashes. Grief gets heavy, and I get sad, and always naturally wish things could have been different. But for now, I’m grateful I am a strong woman in the Lord. This walk I’ve walked isnt for the faint of heart. You need Jesus, a good support system, and to give yourself grace. LOTS of grace.

Happy 2026!