Holidays.. Tentative until further notice

Grief is hard. Even on the “easy” days, it’s still hard. I’ve had moments of joy and happiness poke through, and those moments have been beautiful.

We just stepped into November. The holidays are here. End of story.

No but for real, I’ve made such progress in my grief that I thought the holidays may not be “as” bad as I anticipated. Let’s all laugh together. 🤡😂

I mean I knew they would be hard….. it’s the baby’s first birthday, our first thanksgiving, our first Christmas, memories from last year that are so strong in my brain that we cannot physically share with Josh. But THIS HARD? I didn’t realize it would knock the breath out of me again, like it did in early grief. But I’m learning in my widowed mom grief group that this is so so so so normal. We can’t judge our progress in grief by how we feel around holidays, death anniversaries, birthdays, ect. Every day is new territory.

Everything I do, every thing we get invited to, every event, party ect is tentative until further notice. I may say no, I may say yes, I may change my mind after saying either…. AND THAT IS OKAY! With much love, Don’t count me as reliable until further notice. 😂🤍 Our home is my safe space. My safe space is where I like to be because I can just be. The holidays don’t change that.

{I am taking it back into the early days of grief, where I protect our peace at all cost, for our peace is expensive. }

It has been 7 months. (Which is still mind blowing to me…) That also means it has been little while since we’ve had a meal dropped off. So many meals were dropped off, phone calls, text etc for the first 2 weeks And then it tapers off, which is normal. Recently, It was a nice surprise when I had a close friend text out of the blue, and ask if she could drop off dinner on the porch. She did just that, and left. She’s def a God send. With now feeling like I did in early grief, I had forgotten how having food dropped off from friends was so nice. My best friend asks me at least monthly what I need from Costco, because she goes and knows my kid loves their frozen mini tacos and I don’t have a membership.. She’s a God send to. It’s the little things that keep me going.

In my own experience, the best thing you can do for your loved ones that are struggling to hold their head above water, as the navigate grief through the holidays is to

1. Give grace without a price

2. Respect their decision or lack there of

3.Give understanding with no judgement

4. Drop off meals on the porch without a visit

And after all of that, if you feel some kind of way, remind yourself it’s not about you. Trust me, it is not! Don’t add more stress to their life by making it about you. The holidays are often times very chaotic. Then you add in grief and it’s even more chaotic..

Even if you aren’t grieving someone, give yourself permission to not exhaust yourself these holidays. There are 365 days in a year. Visit them another day. Yes, life is short, but You don’t have to go to every party, event, dinner, or thing you get invited to between November & December.. The beauty in it is that you get to choose.