Post traumatic growth (PTG)

If you’ve followed me for any time you know I like to always start with an explanation or definition. So here goes…. "Post-traumatic growth in grief" refers to the positive psychological changes a person may experience after going through a significant loss, like the death of a loved one, where they discover new strengths, a deeper appreciation for life, or improved relationships with others, even while still grieving the loss itself; essentially finding meaning or personal growth within the pain of bereavement. A person’s capacity for post-traumatic growth may depend on their personal experiences, resources, and structural advantages – or lack of them.

PTG doesn’t mean you should grow after the loss… it just means it’s possible! Some people may scratch their head and think, “But, how can you find any good in their death??” And that’s the thing, PTG doesn’t mean you are happy they died. It is finding positive changes in yourself, as you process grief. It is work. And not everyone wants to work on themselves because it means peeling back the layers on an onion. Onions = Layers & lots of tears. I have had to put in a lot of work to be where I am, and I dont carry that lightly. Grief coaching, therapy, ugly nitty gritty prayer, processing every emotion that has come with grief, and learning how to allow space for my kids to grieve are just a small insight of that. I have had to rebuild myself from the ground up.

I hope as the years go by, that I find even more of a purpose in this life, but for now, I’m soaking in my purpose of being a momma. With his death, I still get the gift of being home with my kids. And buddy you better believe I am grateful.. Not grateful he died…. Grateful I still get to live out our dream! I knew being a SAHM would have its challenges but the beauty of it outweigh that. I get to “MOM” 24-7 without worry of money. His social security pays me to stay home and continue to take care of the kids and that’s so beautiful. I’m finding beauty in the ashes.

10 months into this grief journey and I’m grateful for growth and healing. Before I started writing this, I sat and reflected on just that… the past 10 months…. Things still catch my off guard and by surprise sometimes. The tsunami of grief that I felt the first 6 months has calmed a lot. Picture a tsunami and then picture me standing at the brim of the ocean. It’s not calm by any means, but it’s not as often as it was. I’m grateful I dont count Wednesdays every week like I use to. It took time, but now I only count months. And eventually, I will count just the years. (Sigh of relief). I may not remember a lot because of widow fog, but I do remember each person that has given me grace, love, and space the entire time. I read in multiple widow books that one of the most surprising things is that people you never expected to step up for you in grief will, and those you thought would have wont. It is so true. I’ve grown to have strong bonds with a handful of people because of this.

Have you ever noticed when you buy a vehicle or are looking to buy one, then you see those vehicles EVERYWHERE??? Or if you are thinking of going with a certain hairstyle cut/color, you see it everywhere…. Well, If you always seek out the negative, that’s all your brain knows to look for. It’s how we are wired. You have to unlearn things and learn new things if you want different results. I have my moments like any human, where I need to vent and grieve, but reality is Josh is gone. He literally can’t come back, whether I choose to suffer out the rest of my days or to enjoy them. So, If you see me smiling and enjoying a quiet life with my kiddos, just know that is exactly what I want. I’ve been gifted being alive and being able to care for my kids. If you plan to disturb my peace, move along.