Removing yourself from their game.

I can’t speak on behalf of everyone that has lost a spouse, but being in a grief coaching group with over 100 women, I can say that 90% of widows become susceptible to compromised boundaries after their spouse dies. It just happens. Even the strongest of women become very weak. One of my biggest qualities that my husband loved was my strength. He told someone that he loved that I didn’t need him, but wanted him in my life. That was in the beginning. Little did he know that over the course of our relationship I would very much so need him 🤣 And vice versa.

The first time I had to rebuild myself was after my first marriage. Whew, that was was a lot. Through therapy, I came back so much stronger. I had a strong backbone, boundaries, and confidence in a very humble way. When Josh passed, it was like my identity left. Every boundary I had in place, every ounce of strength, everything that made me ME just disappeared. I felt lost, not only from losing my other half, but losing part of my own identity too. Some people prey on that. Never underestimate a woman that has had to rebuild herself TWICE. Because if she can sense something is off with your intentions, she will remove herself, and wont care about your feelings… 🤣 My circle has always been small, and it got even smaller once Josh died because death brings a lot out about the people around you. I’ve mentioned in my other posts that this grief thing takes work. There isn’t a magic pill and you can’t just pray it away. Not discrediting prayer BUT You have to feel all the feelings as they come, and GET IN THERAPY of some sort! I did grief coaching, which really taught me a lot. Once the course of it finished, I moved over to my previous therapist.

Life lesson: Toxic people will come into your life and see where they have room to spew it. Don’t give it to them. Don’t play their game. If you dont throw a ball back in the court, no one can play LOL They will get mad, and likely pout a lot, but let them go. I’ve relearned that quote at the top and it is so freeing.. It is important to remember that you can choose to not respond to something and still be a good human. No response is a response.

** But not really “out of no where”, I have worked towards this!**