SAHM dream lives on

Being a SAHM was a dream that my husband and I had for our family. We just knew we wanted me to be home with our kids while I could. We minimized a lot of debt and made it happen. Soaking in the moments with them and caring for our home, while my husband was the main provider, was literally a dream come true.

You can imagine that I thought that dream was gone when he passed. I couldn’t have even imagined the financial blessing that would come. God is so good, even when life isn’t…Yes! Even in the midst of the tragedy, God was still there and so good to me! He made a way when there seemed to be no way! Between the outpouring of financial love from friends, family, and strangers, coupled with Social security, your girl gets to live that dream a while longer! I know I’m doing all of this solely now, but how did I manage life without being a SAHM before? My life is consumed with 2 littles, getting 1 to school, grief group/homework, and house chores. I can’t even fathom having to go to a 8-5 job AND raise my kids AND process my grief! One thing I felt strongly about, before Josh passed, was that it isn’t fair that we live in a world where we are judged or punished for caring for our kids. I know we need to be dependable at work BUT my little family will always come first. ALWAYS. They are sick? I’m going to have to take them to the dr and I’m NOT going to feel guilty. In America, it seems we will never get the luxury of both.

If you’ve had to rush back to work after losing your spouse, I am so sorry. I am not sure what I would have done if I had to do that. Possibly lose what little mind i had left! The stress of being away from my kiddos, mentally figuring out life without Josh, trying to focus on a new job, and grieving would have been entirely too much. The progress I have experienced in this grief journey have been from being able to do just that, grieve ……. Doors shut, tissues everywhere, praying constantly, processing, and feeling ALL the feels… If you are grieving someone and haven’t realized it, your feelings WILL wait for you! It’s like pushing a beach ball under water…. It can’t stay, and it will charge up out of the water eventually. There are no shortcuts in grief, though I wish there were!