Sometimes… we cause our suffering

When we lose someone, especially a spouse, we feel a lot of pain…. That’s the price for love, unfortunately. Grief is terrible but I wouldn’t change the love I had with my husband for anything.

Through “The Widowed Mom” podcast, I’m learning that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. Probably sounds weird, but it’s true. We will always feel the pain of them being gone. Always. But We don’t have to drown in those feelings, if we don’t want to.

I have days where I need to feel the sad and devastating feelings, Cry a Tsunami of tears, blow a volcano of snot, and miss him. Sometimes that’s what your heart needs to do, to mourn your person.

And I have days where I have to choose not to focus on the “should”s or the “he’s missing so much” thoughts. Because friend, Those thoughts will eat you up and then spit you back out. Try to recognize if the word “should” is in your thoughts when you feel overwhelmed with sadness. I’m learning that I can’t do certain things just yet or reflect back on all of our pictures, at times, bc the suffering becomes engulfing! The “shoulds” come flooding in. Again, pain is normal, but suffering doesn’t have to be.

I’m watching our youngest learn what she’s comfortable with. The slow progression of feeling stable enough to sit up, and then scoot around, and slowly starting to pull up. She took “baby steps” in her progress.. She couldn’t really rush it, and if she did, she would/will fall down or backwards.

I personally feel like grief is very similar. We can’t rush it, we have to feel it until we are comfortable with it, and take baby steps as we learn to navigate life without them.

I learned a few months ago that want more out of life, than to be trapped in a bucket of sad 24-7. Reality is, my husband is gone. No amount of pain/suffering will bring him back. Suffering robs todays joy. Doesn’t mean I won’t have very sad days. Doesn’t mean I’m “all better now”. Just means I want more than suffering in this life to consume me.

Much love ❤️