Strength…. What is that?

Definition of strength

-The quality or state of being physically strong

-The capacity of an object or substance to withstand great force or pressure

I think I have heard it 1000 times, “I don’t know how you do it.” Truth of the matter is, I didn’t know I had a choice LOL. When Josh passed, I had a 4 year old and 4 month old that needed their mom and vice versa. So what did I do? I scraped myself together every single day. I don’t remember much from the earlier days, but i do remember caring for the girls. We have made it this far!

In early grief ( first 2-3 months), I don’t really remember much… Trauma Block, maybe?? I do remember my SIL, Heather, finishing every load of laundry that I started, Because I literally would put the laundry in and walk away not realizing I didn’t do anything else…. Lid open and all… BUT I was use to doing laundry, so my brain tried to do that as a busy mechanism. I think she followed me around from a distance because I didn’t really know what I was doing… LOL I vaguely remember having just enough strength to take care of my kids, which i was able to do and do it successfully. I feel like it was also a default nature of mine.. People def offered to help with them, but caring for them was something I needed to and still need to do. Small task, like giving my oldest a bath or feeding her dinner really helped. Taking care of them though, It has kept me going this whole time. Without them to support and nurture, I think I would have fallen into a worse off place than I already was.

Your are always stronger than your think you are. Really, you are. This I have learned first hand. You will figure out what works for you, who supports it without judgment, and how to take on each day even when it doesn’t feel like it’s possible.