Who am I?

Hi, I’m Elizabeth….

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I’m 33, and I’m rediscovering who I am. Grief changes you. My personality has changed. The way I view life has changed ALOT. The way I view love has changed. My parenting has changed. Things I once loved, not so much any more. Things I once tolerated, I won’t tolerate now. Things I once disliked, I enjoy now. You get the picture.

You see, when I married my late husband, we became ONE. Everything about me involved him. And if you’re around us long enough, You’ll hear him mentioned because he was such a big part of mine and my girls lives. Now, while holding on tight to all of our memories, I’m having to separate myself, in a small way, to figure out who I am. Who is Elizabeth in this life without her late husband?

Hobbies…. What are those?! Can I say “I like eating cheese burgers and wearing sweatpants”???? Because I do….. oh, and I don’t like leaving the house. But not in a weird, isolated, depressive “I don’t like to leave the house” kind of way but more of a my pajamas scream happiness, it’s a safe place for me to just be, and I pay the light bill so I may as well get my moneys worth “I don’t like to leave the house” 🤣

I felt like I truly appreciated life before Josh passed, and tried to savor the moments when I could. But now, well now I really try to. I am slowing down to listen to the birds, or the neighbors cut grass. I’m slowing down to soak in my (now) 5 year old because each time she goes to her dads she comes back a little more grown 😭. I’m slowing down because every time I blink, my youngest has gotten taller or more hair or is doing something different to indicate she’s growing. I’m slowing down because life doesn’t slow down. If anything, in grief, life speeds up… and I don’t like to have a busy schedule. Never have. For one, I mentally can’t be over busy or I will have a huge grief tsunami hit me. And two, just because I have time doesn’t mean it needs to be assigned to something.

Here I am, Figuring out who I am, one step at a time. So far, I like her. Though this version of me was only created because I lost the love of my life. He loved the me he had while he was alive, this me is a better me…. I think he would like the new me too.

I’m A widow, I’m a mom, I’m a sister, I’m a daughter, I’m an aunt, and I'm a best friend.

Hi, I’m Elizabeth.